jan 09 stuff

30 jan 09: GOVERNMENT IN TRANSLATION: What they actually mean
ASBESTOS IN SCHOOLS: "It's safer to leave it where it is..."
means: "It's cheaper leave it where it is..."

PM IN DESPERATE APPEAL: 'Women of Britain - buy more shoes' Prime Minister Gordon Brown today urged the UK's entire female population to 'up the amount of shoes they buy a month' from the current average of 2.9 pairs to 4 pairs in order to save the nation's high street shoe chains... (cont. p94)

15 jan 09: Tzipi Livni new statement: "Moon made of cheese"
The Israeli Foreign Minister revealed that if Israel argued long and hard enough that the moon was made of cheese, then people would eventually believe that the moon was indeed cheese-based. She then denied that 'bears shit in the woods' and that the 'Pope is Catholic.'

NEW JOBS BOOST FROM PM: "100,000 new jobs across the country"
What will those new jobs be like?
JOB 1: CONNECTION APPLIANCE OPERATIVE £21,000 p.a. + full benefits SPEC: Role may involve knocking nails into a plank of wood.
JOB 2: APPLIANCE REMOVAL OPERATIVE. £21,500 p.a. + full benefits SPEC: Job could entail pulling nails out of a plank of wood.
JOB 3: BODY AWARENESS ORIENTATION WORKER. £68,000 p.a. + car & full benefits A role already popular in the public sector, this would be ideal for people who need extra training in differentiating between the posterior & limb area of the body.


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