Nov 9th '09 stuff

Will Afghan War cause house prices to fall? (moron p9)

Other news: Afghan police 'full of corrupt idiots who fire indiscrimately'Ideal candidates for vacancies in The Metropolitan Police's firearms unit... (p9)

Twitter to monitor popular tweet subjects
The online social networking site is to appoint a regulator called 'The Twittfinder General,' who will check the most popular subjects commented on by the Twitterati, and organise instant mobs into a 'workable collective that can perform direct physical actions.' The Twittfinder General has extensive powers in his grasp, such as 'boring at the stake' and 'drowning in a stream (of invective).'
He has already issued the following edict: "That anyone hereby known caught making national treasure Stephen Fry more depressed than he already is, will be hung, drawn and quartered and there heads displayed outside the X-Factor house until their flesh be picked clean by the birds. The same applies to Cheryl Cole."

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS: Griffin to take over from Moyles at Radio 1
BNP leader Nick Griffin has said he will break from the past and tone down what he termed 'the racist, homophobic bully boy laddishness' that Radio One Breakfast Show has come to represent over the past few years (cunt. p9)

Justice to focus on victims shock
Criminals stunned as review says it is they who should be prosecuted (cont. p94)


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