20th July 09





















FINANCE NEWS: HUGE INTEREST IN CITY FOLLOWING CHILD'S REPORT
"One of the clearest, most thought-provoking insights we've ever seen."
Bankers have been astonished by a boy's essay on working practices in the financial sector, with a report that has generated five or six times more responses than usual research does. "It's something we've never seen before, literally dozens of fund managers, and several CEOs have been e-mailing and calling all day," revealed one city analyst. The report, by a 3 year old, reveals the folly of high risk investments with money you haven't got in the first place, and then awarding yourself for this idiocy with six figure bonuses and vast pensions.

OTHER CITY NEWS: Foetus to decide on investments for futures traders
"1 kick for Yes, 2 for No" plan mooted.

TODAY'S PITILESS, UNCARING CITY LUNCH DISH:
Bluefin Tuna and veal escalope on a bed of foie gras (ONLY ?399,99 from the fixed price menu)

ME & MY SPOON with Boris Johnson
Where did you set your spoon from?
"This silver one? I was born with it in my mouth."

How much did your spoon cost?
"Oh cripes! Erm, about ?250,000?"

Don't you think that's a bit excessive for a spoon when most people can only afford a cheap plastic one?
"Well, well (unwritable blustering noise) erm, cripes, well mine has many uses, er, for, for, for instance, I, I, I, (looks at watch), I use it for feeding my chickens in my eco-coop back in Henley."

KISSINGER IN LINE FOR SECOND NOBEL PRIZE?
Unprecedented second peace prize could be awarded to the original exponent of a defence strategy based on the covert bombing of a country next door to the one where you are actually waging your war.

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