THIS WEEK'S TOP LEGAL TIP: How to avoid prosecution for being found in possession of £2,000 worth of class A drugs...
STEP 1) Be fabulously wealthy...
STEP 2) er,
STEP 3) that's it...

KNIVES TO BE ISSUED TO ALL TEENAGERS
'Level playing field' idea floated by Home Office, to give all teenagers an equal chance in the 'cut and thrust' of today's fast-moving society.The free knives will reflect current government initiatives, in that they would be made of plastic, blunted and utterly useless...

POLICE THINK PASSPORT VAN THEFT 'COULD LEAD TO SALES ON BLACK MARKET'
Bears linked to soiling of forests
Pope rumoured to have some kind of association with the Vatican


THE SIMPLEST GUIDE TO BEATING THE CREDIT CRUNCH YET!
brought to you by your friends at BP and BRITISH GAS
STEP 1: Be a vast, wealthy corporation, preferably a multinational
STEP 2: Don't pass on cheaper cost prices of goods to the consumer
STEP 3: Make huge profits

The Times
WARSHIP COMMANDER IN GULF HOSTAGES DEBACLE LOSES JOB
Navy says move not linked to Iran abduction
"Ha ha ha ha," Ha ha ha ha-ha, "ha ha ha-ha, hee-hee."Hee-hee, ha ha ha...
(continues on jokes page)

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