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feb 09

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26 feb 09: ALL NEW 2009 MORRISSEY: "I was looking for a job, then I didn’t find a job, And heaven knows I'm going on a gap year now..." THE NEWS FROM RUSSIA TODAY: A COURT in Moscow has acquitted four men accused of murdering investigative journalist Anna Politkovskaya. The four men were found not guilty of murder and immediately freed, after it was revealed Ms Politkovskaya’s death was just a terrible accident because she had fallen in her flat on to a malfunctioning gun that discharged five bullets into her head and body… (cont. p94) LATE NEWS: Man commits suicide by cutting own head off whilst shaving before shooting himself in the heart ten times… INSTANT JUSTICE… How it works: With your JUSTICE MINISTER JACK STRAW Newsworthyness + public goodwill + celebrity angle = An early release for Jade Goody’s husband(Thus ticking all the New Labour boxes) What doesn’t then? Friendly Labour peer + large amounts of cash for law amendments + public anger + costly inquiry,...
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Look out for the danger signs this Easter

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"Don't let a lack of information on refund and exchange policies ruin your Easter ,"  warns Geoff Johns, your local trading standards officer. text follows pic... IF, like me you love chocolate, Easter eggs can bring unmitigated joy and pleasure, for the old, the young - even diabetics! But, in this upcoming holiday season, for every happy bunny, there's always some unlucky person who ends up with a raw deal - which can all too easily end in petty arguments, family feuds, divorce - and ultimately, prison and financial ruin. Every year we see problems for the consumer, so a little preparatory advice here - from your local Trading Standards Department - can go along way to solving any issues you may have when buying and consuming Easter -promoted comestible and perishable goods.                               ...
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QUEEN IN MARVELLOUS SENSE OF HUMOUR SHOCK

In another boost to the Queen's Golden Jubilee celebrations, it has been revealed that in private the monarch has the most marvellous sense of humour. Never-before-heard statements (apart from those made during the last anniversary) from such luminaries as wide ranging as the Archbishop of Canterbury, Sir Cliff Richard and John Inverdale, have paid tribute to her  'quick wit' and 'fantastic sense of fun.' Archbishop Rowan Williams said he was often witness to what he described as 'the hidden side of The Queen' - away from the confines of her Royal duties; "She is a wonderfully funny woman, who often entertains her private guests with a seemingly never ending series of uproarious anecdotes. Anyone who was lucky enough to meet her would almost always be in absolute stitches. Such was her sense of fun and bonhomie that Archbishop of York John Sentamu and I would often roll around the floor laughing like drains!" Sir Cliff Richard revealed that ...
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