15 feb 10



COUNCIL NEWS
Birmingham City Council has revealed it will have to make savings of up to £69m by April 2011.
Council executives have said this target will be achieved by offering a voluntary redundancy package to one chief executive refuse operator - who earns around that amount annually when overtime, backdated pay and standby allowances were taken into consideration.

NEW CHILDREN’S TV SCHEDULE FOLLOWING LIFTING OF PRODUCT PLACEMENT BAN
Thomas the First Capital Connect Tank Engine & Friends
The RBS Clangers
In The B&Q Night Garden
Peppa Pig brought to you by Walls
The Teletubbies (already sponsored by Teletubbies Inc. of Pyongyang)

DAILY MAIL: WILL JOHN TERRY CAUSE RISING HOUSE PRICES?

‘I’ll die just like Diana,’ fears Katie Price
Newlywed Katie Price has revealed that she fears she could die in a Diana-style car crash (cont. p94)

WHAT DO YOU THINK? How do YOU should Katie Price die?
Ring or text now:
0898 500 600 1 – Garrotted in bizarre scarf meets kitchen blender accident on Celebrity Masterchef
0898 500 600 2 – Thrown off the Burj Tower in Dubai
0898 500 600 3 – Hung, drawn and quartered before National Lottery Live
0898 500 600 4 – Sent to Helmand Province without the right combat kit
0898 500 600 5 – Er, that’s
0898 500 600 6 – quite
0898 500 600 7 – enough, Ed.

Calls cost and terminate in publicity


Technology News: NEW iPHONE APP TRACKS YOUR MP
The ‘troughAPP’ will make a snorting noise to alert voters as their MP visits an expensive restaurant or hotel which they're enjoying at voter's expense.
The application has already had 57,000,000 downloads and can also be used for BBC executives and heads of quangos and government inquiries.

BERLUSCONI INTERESTED IN NEW TEAM
“It’s Lecce for me”

REPENTANT WOODS APOLOGISES TO REMAINING SPONSORS
Apology list in order of cash value*:
EA Sports ($12,000,000)
Nike Golf ($32,000,000)
TAG Heuer ($14,000,000)

Tiger also begged forgiveness from the following sponsors that have dropped Tiger from advertisements and ended endorsement contracts:
Accenture ($20,000,000)
AT&T ($17,000,000)
Gatorade ($8,000,000)
Gillette ($22,000,000)

*Figures entirely notional at time of going press.

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