~ Nick Tolson ~ Viz, Private Eye writer...

A leaked, earlier 'draft' copy of the Conservative election manifesto has revealed that the government could outmanoeuvre Labour's proposals to take Britain back to the 1970's, with their own plan to take the country back to the 1870s, before most of the great Victorian parliamentary reforms in social welfare, worker rights and suffrage were passed on to British society.                  Pay't mill owner permission to come to work The report, marked 'confidential,' details how the next Conservative government will go much further than Jeremy Corbyn, taking Britain back to the glory days of the greatest Empire on which the sun never set - a time when it was run by about two dozen rich, paternalistic white male  entrepreneurs with long grey beards. Describing 'halcyonic days when t here was a general relaxation of laws that inhibited private enterprise and economic growth,' the document states that a post-Brexit Britain could see thos...

In another boost to the Queen's Golden Jubilee celebrations, it has been revealed that in private the monarch has the most marvellous sense of humour. Never-before-heard statements (apart from those made during the last anniversary) from such luminaries as wide ranging as the Archbishop of Canterbury, Sir Cliff Richard and John Inverdale, have paid tribute to her  'quick wit' and 'fantastic sense of fun.' Archbishop Rowan Williams said he was often witness to what he described as 'the hidden side of The Queen' - away from the confines of her Royal duties; "She is a wonderfully funny woman, who often entertains her private guests with a seemingly never ending series of uproarious anecdotes. Anyone who was lucky enough to meet her would almost always be in absolute stitches. Such was her sense of fun and bonhomie that Archbishop of York John Sentamu and I would often roll around the floor laughing like drains!" Sir Cliff Richard revealed that ...