7th June 2010

World Cup News: MARADONA NAMES SHOCK ARGENTINA SQUAD
Argentina manager Diego Maradona has shocked the football world to the core, after he dropped the world’s best player Lionel Messi and named himself as his replacement.
The 49-year-old striker, who has said he will run naked through the streets of Buenos Aires if Argentina win, said the only way forward was to include ‘the world’s best player in the squad.’ Namely himself... (continues in Mental Health pullout)





CLEVEREST MAN IN WESTMISTER ‘ACTUALLY QUITE DIM’
David Laws, labeled the cleverest man in Westminster has resigned after admitting giving £40,000 of taxpayer's money to his partner. Previous MP's who were briefly considered intelligent include David ‘Two Brains’ Willets and John 'Star Trek' Redwood.

Those TOP FIVE reasons for not having a knee-jerk reaction to changing the gun license laws in full:
1) We won't have any Olympics shooting winners
2) We then might not be able to stage the Olympics
3) We can't shoot foxes
4) Er,
5) That's it

OUT OF RESPECT, ALL REFERENCES TO GUNS ARE BANNED FROM THIS ISSUE

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ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
Woman splits from man she was going to marry.
Another woman may or may not be pregnant.
A teenage singer attempts to break into adult market with the usual 'raunchy outfits followed by half-hearted pole dance followed by simulated lesbian kiss with dancer' marketing tricks.


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