Monday, 30 November 2009

Cliff in Xmas single crisis


Click to read the text (if you can be arsed)

23 nov 09 stuff















THAT 'I'M A CELEBRITY, get me out of here...' LIST IN FULL:
In order of importance
Jordan - Britain's top glamour girl
Katie Price - Britain's other top glamour girl
Samantha Fox - Britain's top ex-glamour girl
Jordan Fox - Britain's top amalgamated current & former glamour girl
Some bloke who used to be someone's brother in EastEnders
Someone who once waved at Cliff Richard's grandmother
A woman
A man
Another man
Someone who never met, but once lived next to the Uncle of the bass player in The Archies
The presenters of 'How Not To Decorate'

'BRING BACK NATIONAL SERVICE FOR THE YOUNG'
say everyone too old to be conscripted themselves

BBC Head of Non-Entertainment complains that the image of Casualty and Holby City is being ruined by the 'hum-drum, everyday nature of the NHS''In a real hospital, you need a cliffhanger every 23 minutes, and this simply doesn't happen' says chief (cont. on pZZZzzzz)

CHARLES DEFENDS 'TRADITIONAL SUBJECTS IN SCHOOLS'
Prince of Wales 'a passionate believer in continuing teaching subjects in the usual Etruscan for under two pre-prep boarders...'

Nov 9th '09 stuff

















DAILY MAIL:
Will Afghan War cause house prices to fall? (moron p9)

Other news: Afghan police 'full of corrupt idiots who fire indiscrimately'Ideal candidates for vacancies in The Metropolitan Police's firearms unit... (p9)

Twitter to monitor popular tweet subjects
The online social networking site is to appoint a regulator called 'The Twittfinder General,' who will check the most popular subjects commented on by the Twitterati, and organise instant mobs into a 'workable collective that can perform direct physical actions.' The Twittfinder General has extensive powers in his grasp, such as 'boring at the stake' and 'drowning in a stream (of invective).'
He has already issued the following edict: "That anyone hereby known caught making national treasure Stephen Fry more depressed than he already is, will be hung, drawn and quartered and there heads displayed outside the X-Factor house until their flesh be picked clean by the birds. The same applies to Cheryl Cole."

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS: Griffin to take over from Moyles at Radio 1
BNP leader Nick Griffin has said he will break from the past and tone down what he termed 'the racist, homophobic bully boy laddishness' that Radio One Breakfast Show has come to represent over the past few years (cunt. p9)

Justice to focus on victims shock
Criminals stunned as review says it is they who should be prosecuted (cont. p94)