Too late for P.Eye, so here goes, er here. Not much scope for this time-sensitive stuff, apart from The Tart satire paper, or maybe Tory HQ - they might want to show they're not afraid of laughing at themselves... Thanks to Jamie for the idea. A good example of the kind of utter rubbish I churn out every week.
Cluck it, might as well post the rest of the guff from last week as well...
POOR HAVE 'WORSE HEALTH' SHOCK Bears like 'white sliced chip butties' Pope loves 'olive oil ciabattas drizzled with aioli'
That morally dubious 'we'll race anywhere for cash' F1 season guide in full: Round 1: IRANIAN GRAND PRIX – Al-sharia non-homo ring Round 2: ZIMBABWEAN GRAND PRIX – Robert Mugabe Circuitory Oval Round 3: CUBAN GRAND PRIX – Autudromo Che Guevera Round 4: NORTH KOREAN GRAND PRIX – Plutoniumring Round 5: INDONESIAN GRAND PRIX – East Timorese Memorial Cup Round 6: SINGAPOREAN GRAND PRIX – Noh Chew Wing Gum Circuit Round 7: CHINESE GRAND PRIX – Tibetan Memorial Cup (hang on those last two are real… That's enough…)
GRUDGING GPs GIVE IN AND AGREE NOT TO PLAY GOLF ON FRIDAYS Doctors complain of unacceptable handicaps, 1000's of caddies could lose jobs
PROPERTY OWNERS! Add ££££'s to the value of your home with just a few simple improvements! Contact BANKSY DECORATING AGENCY now on 07777 611 345899
THE SUN'S MANIFESTO TO FIX 'BROKEN BRITAIN' 1) Stop booze wrecking people's lives, 2) Attack the budget's price increases on drink 3) Continue to run huge adverts for bargain booze, 4) er…
Britain in rush to get booze bargains before Sunday budget deadline Where to get those drink deals: All supermarkets are doing special pre-budget deals on Super Vilent 8% Lager – which will go up from 10p a can to a whopping 24p… (30 cans for the price of 20) And for the middle classes, Lambrusco Valiumo (14.5%) will be up from 2.49 to 2.99, with all major supermarkets are still doing 6 cases for 5 until April 1st…
Alan Duncan announces first 'non-mincing' gay wedding "No frills, no pink, no dogs wearing pink frills, no wigs and no poncy renaissance costumes, vows MP."
IMPORTANT GOVERNMENT INFORMATION: NEW OATH OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE UNITED KINGDOM & THE QUEEN If you would like to say your oath of allegiance in one of the following languages: Polish, Russian, Serbo-Croat, Rumainian, Moldovan, Ruritarian, Somali, Bengali, Gujrati, Mongolian, Inner Mongolian, Outer Mongolian, Near Central Mongolian, Flemish, Swedish, Yiddish, Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Yorkshire dialect (North/ East/ West/ South), Klingon.Please contact: TAXPAYER'S FREEPOST, The Attorney-General Lord Goldsmith, c/o 10 Downing St, London.
IRANIAN FORBES RICH LIST PUBLISHED 1. Grand Cleric Ayatollah Mustafa Ziggy (tobacco imports) $50.5m 2. Grand Vizier Ay' avalottah Jacuzzis (oil trade) $50.25m 3. Grand Wizard Ay' av-meini BMW's (sugar production) $49.9m 4. Ayatollah Al-Shar Option (foreign currencies) $49.5m