Over 8 million viewers of I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here have vowed to commit suicide before Christmas after the realisation dawned on them that they were entirely superficial, trivial and unnecessary - following their kicking out of Hart To Hart actress Stephanie Powers from the top rated ITV show.
The 69-year-old went 'au naturel' in the jungle, wearing no make-up and refusing to straighten her hair, and duly polled the fewest public votes from the entirely hollow and one-dimensional audience.
Following last night's show, a Facebook page was immediately set up by Swiss suicide firm, Dignitas. Calling itself, 'Did you not vote for Stephanie 'cos all you can see is an old boot, meaning you are now only interested in image - so why not kill yourself?, the page was set up to organise the humane self-ending of a sizeable amount of the British public who are now only have the brains and time for celebrity tittle-tattle.
In a win-win-win situation, Ms Powers was said to be delighted at leaving the show to get on with her life, and the government was said to be happy that jobless figures will now 'reduce substantially.'
It is hoped that the I'm A Celeb audience will be soon joined in a death pact by X-Factor viewers, but not Strictly because that's watched by nice middle-class people.